From a broken heart flow many tears. Sometimes you have to just let go and let those tears roll down and gently wash over your wounded soul.
Sometimes I have an experience and I feel I'm supposed to share it. It does make me vulnerable but maybe someone out there needs to hear it.
As I sat with my head bowed low engulfed in the sweetness of the presence of the King amidst the gentle worship that flowed like the oceans tide, washing over me again and again, tears of brokenness began to flow down my face. I just let them flow and flow without resistance, letting go and giving it all to the Lord. He knows every struggle, every wound and every pain that is within me and truly He is gracious and compassionate. I felt no condemnation, heard no voice of blame saying "It's your own fault" … just compassionate love and comfort. I felt like the tears were literally washing over my wounded soul and healing the pain. It's His kindness that draws us close and I could feel that intimacy being restored … my first love … drawing near again to the Lover of my soul. The words of the song came to mind "All I need is You". And right now the words that are flowing through my mind are these
"The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. As far as the east is from the west, that's how far He has removed our transgressions from us."
That's all for now.
last Sunday morning I was thinking about this season and the theme of 'giving' was very much in the forefront of my thoughts. One of the things I love about Christmas is the opportunity to give, the spirit of generosity and good will that is in the air. "It is more blessed to give than to receive" said the King of Christmas who is himself the Gift of God, Eternal and abundant LIFE and the manifestation of pure and perfect LOVE. I thought about the expression we sometimes use, "Give until it hurts" and suddenly my heart was struck with a picture of Jesus hanging on the cross in excruciating agony. It bought instant tears to my eyes and I said to myself ...
"wow, He really gave until it hurt."
Born in a manger to die on a tree for you and for me. How can I not live for Him. His love is amazing.
"let him who is without sin throw the first stone"
words that cut like a knife. I'm the first to drop the stone. it is easy to identify the flaws and see the faults of others. it is so easy to point the finger of judgement and approve their condemnation, but what about me? Is it not only by the grace of God that I stand?
Jesus says before we can remove the speck of sawdust in our brother or sister's eye, we must remove the plank of wood in our own. (Matthew 7:35) He doesn't say ignore the speck in their eye, but don't be a hypocrite, deal with your own first. That plank may well be your fault finding judgmental attitude towards others. There's a huge difference between wanting to help someone deal with a problem (or sin) and wanting to judge them.
I feel the Lord impressing on my heart the urge to seek out the gold in others, draw out the love, encourage the goodness, kindness and Christ like qualities. There may be a multitude of sins in the way but love does cover a multitude of sin and my hope is that in the light of his glorious love, those things will grow uninterestingly dim, wither away and fall from the tree.
anyway, just a thought I'm having ...
'Jesus said to her, “Mary!”
She turned and said to Him, “Rabboni!” (which is to say, Teacher).'
Almost every time I read this verse my heart is struck and lovesick tears of brokenness mingled with joy flow from my eyes. Mary Magdalena, the one who was forgiven much and loved much was up early outside the empty tomb, lovesick, weeping and seeking her Beloved. Then Jesus, who she thought was the gardener said: “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?”
Their hearts must have leaped (as does mine when I read it).
Jesus said to her, “Do not cling to Me, for I have not yet ascended to My Father; but go to My brethren and say to them, ‘I am ascending to My Father and your Father, and to My God and your God.’”
I can't help but parallel this passage to that which is written in Song of Songs. The Shulamite (us, Mary) is lovesick, desperately seeking her beloved (Jesus). "If you find my beloved, you must tell him I am lovesick" Song of Songs 5:8
The Beloved (Jesus) says to the Shulamite (us, Mary) "You have ravished my heart with one look of your eyes" Song of Songs 4:9 Wow! to think that we ravish the heart of God. Such is His furious love for us. Jesus, who is God but also a man, says to her:
“Do not cling to Me, for I have not yet ascended to My Father; but go to My brethren and say to them, ‘I am ascending to My Father and your Father, and to My God and your God.’”
I may never understand the depth of these words but I perceive that so intense and burning was His love for Mary (and us) that he almost begs her not to embrace Him so He could finish that which He came to do, leave this world and ascend to His Father, His God and our God, making a way for us to be one with the fullness of God. I don't know if Mary was already embracing Him when He said "Don't cling to Me" or if she was about to, but I get the impression that the man Jesus had to tear Himself away, committed and devoted to the will of His Father, or maybe He said it for Mary's sake, since she was so lovesick for Jesus. Perhaps her heart couldn't bear it. Maybe a bit of both?
As Brennan Manning says "Christianity is a love affair!"
Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.
(New American Standard Bible)
Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.
While meditating on this scripture for a couple of days, these were the thoughts that rose to the surface:
"Guard your heart" … what does that mean? I picture a guard standing watch attentively at his post. I have always understood it in the sense of beware, almost like, don't let people in to the emotional realm of your heart; like be very careful and on guard. So, should we barricade the door, close all the windows and shield ourselves from any possible intruders? Well of course, we have to be careful and wise but putting that interpretation aside for a moment, I perceived another understanding of the verse that also focuses on the second part:
"… for out of it flow the springs of life"
If we block the door, we may shield ourselves from various dangers but will the springs of life flow out? Our hearts must be open to pour out the springs of life that God has given us; guarded from the evils that seek to pollute and defile us in an attempt to contaminate the fresh living waters or hinder the river's flow.
I think such evils are those things that Jesus spoke of that actually come out of a man's heart and defile him, like those also mentioned by Paul in his letters, things such as lust, unclean passions, evil desires, covetousness, anger, wrath, malice, slander, hatred, blasphemy, filthy language, lying, selfish ambition, pride, self-righteousness ... and so on … these are some of the things from which we must guard our hearts.
So yes, let us guard our hearts but not block our hearts and let us be like living fountains of life wherever we go, flowing with acts of kindness, tender mercies, humility, meekness, sharing, caring, praying, forgiving, meeting needs, being 'hilariously' generous, bringing peace, encouragement and of course overflowing with love which is the bond of perfection.
Yesterday, as I sat in a class watching a video of Bob Sorge on 'The Secret Place', I listened to him describe how he squeezes into the midst of the Father and The Son, wrapped in their embrace of fiery love ... tears began to flow down my face as I felt the passion of God's love for me, as I am, not as I should be, igniting the response of the passion of my love for Him ... even now as I write, tears are flowing once more. I am overwhelmed by His furiously passionate love for me that is beyond my comprehension and beyond description.
Still, I will try to describe my experience as I awoke at about 3.30am with a rush of inspiration to do so.
Bob was talking about Jesus on His right, The Father on his left and himself in the middle of their embrace. The Son, The Father ...and himself ... The Son, The Father ...and me! I thought for a moment, where's the Holy Spirit, and it suddenly dawned upon me ... He's there, He's in me, He is the Father and the Son in me ... and He's in them, He's in the fire of God's love, He's in the whole Divine Embrace ... The Father, The Son, me, His child and His Bride. I then saw the embrace of Christ and His Bride in the midst of the whirlwind of Love, at the same time as that of The Father and The Son ... and me, yes me! in the middle of it all.
I say me, that's you too. Take it personally. He loves you so intensely and passionately.
I want to live in the midst of this Divine Embrace, not go in and out, but dwell, live and have my being engulfed in the furious Love that is God.
This can never be captured in an image but I felt inspired to create what I could to give a glimpse of the experience.